because well-behaved women rarely make history...

Many of you know the recent legislation regarding the Butler county foster system. I wrote this letter to the journal news expressing my thoughts....

This letter is in response to Butler County's four state lawmakers who support a proposed local Children Services policy that would give preference in foster and adoption decisions to married couples over single or gay parents.

I am a single professional female living in the Butler county area. I recently made the decision to adopt a child. After much research and soul-searching, I have chosen to adopt internationally rather than domestically. Why, you may ask, have I decided to travel halfway across the world (to Kazakhstan) and spend over $40,000 to become a parent when there are many, many, adoptable children in Butler County? I made that decision because I live in a place where the system makes it very difficult for singles, even responsible, financially stable, tax-paying and civil-rights advocating citizens, to adopt a child.

I am vigorously opposed to and disgusted by this proposal, which is supported by outgoing Children Services Director Michael Fox, as well as State Sen. Gary Cates, and Reps. William Coley, Courtney Combs and Timothy Derickson. The bottom line is that there aren't enough foster and adoptive families to go around, period. With this new legislation, there will be even fewer. Sexual orientation and/or marital status does not play into one's ability to parent. Our goal as a community should be to get these children out of the system and into a stable, nurturing environment. Not forcing everyone to live the way you live and believe the way you believe.

I believe that by supporting this policy, these individuals are not only discriminating against single and gay adults, but also preventing children from knowing love in any definition other than the narrow standard by which they themselves holds to be true. It is disheartening to me to see the narrow definition of "family" that is often propagated by a people who are elected to enforce justice and democracy. It's time for old-fashioned and outdated definitions of "family" to be redefined in favor of allowing people, free American people, to become parents. It's time for us to understand that a “good family” is not based on marital status or sexual orientation. A good family is whats best for a child -- and there are lots of singles and same sex couples out there who are EXCELLENT families. And for those who disagree, let us just for a moment consider the rights of now deceased Marcus Fisel, who was murdered by his “preferable” married foster parents, Liz and David Carroll . Imagine if he had *gasp* been in a home with a single parent or gay couple. He might still be alive today.

Most of the negative effects of single parenting are associated with a supposed lack of financial and social resources. However, many singles (myself included) have a good, steady income, and have a wealth of social and familial support around them. Single parent households are often breeding grounds for creativity, persistence, optimism, and hard work. These are all great qualities to instill in children. The effects of single parenting are evident in kids who learn early how to be self-sufficient, stand up to stereotypes, roll with the punches, and set realistic goals. These children (my own included) are and will be pillars of strength and determination, and the class and fortitude with which they step out into the world is sure to reap dividends for them in the future.

As a community, we have to stop allowing the few who cannot step out of their archaic boxes to force the rest of us into those same boxes. Hiding behind the idea that being raised by a single parent or same-sex couple is damaging or inadequate is a pretense, one that has been disproven time and time again by research.

Citizens of Butler County, I implore you to fight the battle of equal rights for single parents and gay couples. Senators, commissioners, representatives, please don't let yourselves become corrupt by the agendas of those less capable of progressive thought. Let the rights of your constituents trump the desires of your colleagues. Say no to those who cannot move away from ideas that should be long dead and help Butler County, Ohio step into its rightful place as a trailblazer for progress and the TRUE welfare of children.

Sincerely,

Erin Herman