$#&@ My Kid Says...

5 Random Musings....

1.  Just because I want to remember how hilarious she was at two-and-a-half....

Hannah: I have a sister in Kazadom
Me (thinking to myself, OMG, she is having a traumatic repressed memory, here we go...)
Hannah: Her name is Rapunzel and she lives in a shoe.

Hannah (at the zoo): What do bears eat?
Me: I think mostly meat.
Hannah: Oh. I thought dey eated Oatmeal Creme Pies!

So, whoever invented daily savings time DEFINITELY was not a parent.  It is 9:30 at night as I write this and Hannah is still wide awake enjoying the evening with me...

Me: Why don't you ever sleep? What is wrong with you?
Hannah: Hmmm. I guess I am a yittle bit crazy.

2.  One of my new friend's in the AP world is almost on her way to pick up her own daughter after a looooong wait and roller coaster adoption journey.  She had a "virtual" shower and everyone was asked to send her one sentence of advice, a quick reflection on motherhood.  Sort of a "What I Wish I Had Known" kinda thing.  I sat down to try to write it about 20 times, but it's so hard to put into one sentence how much you learn in those first few weeks and months of motherhood. I considered several...You will make mistakes...it's okay to want a break...even though she's adopted she will have your eyes...nobody really knows what they are doing...This too shall pass...But I finally decided on the old standby...SLEEP NOW.

3.  We did get some great news last month that I forgot to post. We had our LAST visit with the orthopaedic surgeon.  He declared Hannah's foot 100% healed and she will need "no further interventions."  Amazima!  So grateful to her doctor at Dayton Children's hospital. As we were walking out of the Ortho's office, and saying goodbye for the last time, Hannah jumped off the three foot exam table and proceded to race down the hall in her socks, crashing into a rack of books.  Somehow that goodbye wasn't too hard to say, as for some reason I have confidence we WILL see Dr. Albert again...

4.  I just want to say for the millionth time how my I love my adoptive mom friends.  I was lucky enough to spend time down in Florida with one of them and our kids last month.  The nice thing about hanging out with some of the other adoptive families I know is that there’s so much less explaining and apologizing to do. They get it. We get that our kids didn’t have parents for a while at a crucial time in their development. It has repercussions. We’re working it out. We’re healing. We’re doing great, actually. But our version of doing great looks different that it does for kids who have had a typical attachment cycle in the first three years of life.  I will say this ~ I almost cried at how far our kids have come in the past 9 months.  I marvel at the resilience of their joyful hearts.

5.  This has been a month of mostly fun, with a long trip to Florida to see family and lots of play time with friends.  Hannah also got her acceptance letter (whew) for registration at Colonial Schools in September.  While I feel confident she will be academically ready, I'm still not sure it will be the right fit for her emotionally.  And so, we manage to steal a few moments here and there to work on our very modified version of a homeschool preschool program.  Here is a snippet of what we have been working on...

Science ~ Hannah is very interested in animals right now, so during our last trip to the library, we checked out some preschool books on the life cycle of a frog.  We were also able to find some cards for matching young/adult animals (puppy-dog, kitten-cat, etc.)  I  try to do lots of "hands-on" science projects with her.  For instance, at the museum last week, we looked at different kinds of shells, watched a short video on seasons, and introduced the water cycle.  After her swim class last week, we stayed late at the pool to "experiment" with different items to test whether they sink or float. We also went on a hike this weekend with some friends to see how maple syrup is made.

Math ~ Aside from counting, we are also practicing one to one correspondence with cards and objects. For instance, she matches the number 3 with the picture of THREE ducks.

Prereading/Language/Phonics ~We continue with our weekly sight words, as well as matching pictures with words.  We are also working on identifying beginning sounds in words. In regard to receptive language, we are looking at associations (things that belong together), and sequencing a story. In the coming weeks, I will be introducing game-playing (we are starting with Memory), not only for social pragmatics and rule following but also for visual discrimination skills.

Geography/Culture ~ Hannah can name her address, including city, state, country.  We are currently looking at maps and globes.  I also found a great video that introduces the flags to kids.

The Arts ~ Hannah got a keyboard for Christmas, and we will soon be starting an introduction to the notes. We also work on different art mediums, including drawing, painting, pottery, stamping etc.  She can copy and recall from memory many different letters, shapes, figures, etc.

Gross Motor ~ We continue with swimming and gymnastics, with a switch to soccer and tennis in the Spring. 
 
Acts of Kindness/Etiquette ~We are working on saying "Hello" and "Goodbye" to others without having to be reminded.  We are working on the concept of "giving" by giving away old toys and clothes to a local mission.  

Here is the month in pictures....

Pretend Sleepover with her best friend Ava.  Needless to say, no one slept ;-) I remember when I first held Hannah in the baby house and she fell asleep so easily for her naps, I thought, I hit the jackpot with the world's best sleeper. Little did I know she would spend the  next three years showing me how wrong I was...

Fun at the park...

.

Playing on the beach in Florida (visiting family)

                                    While down in Florida, hanging with her Kaz-buddy Ty.

With Great Grandpa

                                                         Heading to build a sandcastle....

                                                  Pirate and princess night at Chick Fil A

One of the things we did while down South was go on one of those tourist-trap yacht cruise tours through the Intercoastal to view the "Homes of the Stars."  I was a little in awe of the amazing "beach cottages" as they were called (one had six kitchens and a glass elevator).  A little depressing to come back to our toy-strewn, two bedroom condo with six people milling around in it. But, as my very wise aunt said "Some of these people are so poor, all they have is money!" 

And I thought to myself...I would rather have THIS.... 

                                                                 than THIS....

                                         And when I think of the richest part of life, I think of THIS..."

before I think of THIS...

                                              and I'm happy to invest my time and money in THIS...

                                                                     instead of THIS....

   

                                                                   any day of the week!

                                                                    XOXO, Erin

Change Is In the Air...

                                                           All "dolled" up
 

    Change is in the air. I am not even really sure what emoticon to use there.  It started with the realization that I forgot our Meetcha Day :-(  Last year at this time, I was so nostalgic and reflective, as I waited to celebrate all of our "first year" markers.  One year since I arrived in Kazakhstan, one year since I first held Hannie, one year since the judge said "Da" (yes).  But this year, in the flurry and fervor of a February filled with weddings, house guests, travel, and the stomach flu, the significance of the day somehow slipped my mind.  It's not that adoption and orphan care are any less important in our lives, but as time goes by, it's just a lot less present.

I don't talk about it much, but Kazakhstan really changed me.  Before Kazakhstan, I lived in a cozy little bubble of a world with lots of things that were easy and convenient. I didn't think too hard about excesses in my life.  And then I traveled to an impoverished country and adopted one of its children. 

 And I saw things that can't be unseen.  I saw children who were hungry, cold, uneducated, who were begging on the streets. I saw the babies that the rest of the world forgot about suffering from diseases that could easily be cured by a bottle of medicine here in America. I saw mothers make impossible choices just to give their children a chance at life. And ever since then I have been struggling to wrap my brain around how I was supposed to live in a world where the disparaging difference between the haves and the have nots is so, so great.  My best friend, who has worked in third world countries for many years, calls it "survivor guilt." 

I look around at my life, at my house and cars and refrigerator filled with food. And I hear myself complaining because the 24 hour pharmacy is 20 minutes away from my house and the because the school busing isn't convenient enough for working parents and because Target never has anything I want in my size.  And then I think about Kazakhstan and the injustice of it all breaks me down.  Because the problems in my life pale in comparison to what is happening in other parts of the world.  How dare I feel inconvenienced because Kroger is out of orange juice when there are children dying from drinking their own water?  There are children who would do anything for an education and hear I am complaining because our schools don't have busing.

Kazakhstan was a lesson in contradictions for me.  It was certainly the best time of my life because I adopted my wonderful Hannah.  But conversely, my eyes were truly opened for the first time to the immense suffering of the world.  And, as is the case with adoption, I realized that my happiness was the direct result of someone else's loss.  As the years since Kazakhstan have passed, I have tried to make sense of what I saw, of what I experienced and many times, this has made me questions my faith.

My blogger friend Megan, who adopted from Africa (and what I saw in Kazkahstan doesn't even HOLD A CANDLE to what is happening Africa), described it better than I ever could.


Being in Africa broke down my faith in ways I never imagined that it could.  Seeing the suffering made me question my God.  I found myself, and after all this time, still find myself saying, "God- where were you in Congo?  Where were you when I was holding those dying babies?  Where were you when I saw the starving children combing through the garbage on the streets?  Where were you when I saw the grown men drinking out of the sewers because there was no clean water?  Where were you!?"  Everything in my being wants to hear, "... Megan... I was in those beans that hundreds of people bought for you to deliver.  I was in those cans of formula that people from all over sent for you to take.  I was in the hugs given to those children in their last moments.  I was in those smiles and giggles the orphanage children gave while they were playing with balloons for the first time."  I want to hear it.  I so do. But I don't hear it. And even if I did, it doesn't seem like enough.  It's never going to be enough.

Ever since I forgot our Gotcha day, I had been praying for God to show me a way to REALLY advocate for the fatherless.  I continued to pray that God will grant me the courage to step outside my comfort zone.  God, Lead me in your way to be a voice for the voiceless. 

Living as entitled American is an easy routine to slip back into. Sure, I try to advocate and donate and attempt to mobilize, oh, say 147 million people on the benefits of adoption.  But it won't ever be enough.  In the end I guess the best we can do is try to teach our children at an early age about activism and humanitarianism and gratitude and thanksgiving.  I am investing in the promise and potential of future generations.  And if I teach her nothing else, my daughter will grow up empowered to create change in this world.

When I look into my child's eyes, I see hope. And sometimes hope is just enough to carry you through.

"Once our eyes are opened we cannot pretend we do not know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows we know and holds us responsible to act."  Proverbs 24:12

Be the change,

Erin     

Update:  Days after privately publishing this blog, I have found my own tiny way to get involved.   I was asked to be on the Board of Directors at Little Miracles, Int'l.  This is the agency I used to adopt my beautiful Hannah.  Little Miracles is involved in many, many Humanitarian efforts around the globe. Here is the link to Dream of A Child, the website aimed at raising awareness (and funds) for their projects around the globe. 

After prayerful consideration, I accepted.  

Simplify, Simplify, Simplify....

Two years ago last week (has it really been TWO YEARS??) I got the phone call that would change my life forever...

Congratulations, Erin! You have a daughter! 

From that point on, life became a race. Rushing to Kazakhstan, scurrying to get paperwork completed, vying for court dates and eventually plane tickets home.  Once she was on US soil, the marathon continued, as we raced to get her medical issues corrected, put weight on her, and helped her catch up to other kids her age on the developmental milestones. 

Last year my resolutions/life goals looked something like this...

I will get her walking more efficiently.  She will learn all her letters.  She will use 6 word sentences.  She will sleep through the night, every night.

The goals were met.  New ones were made. Those were met too.  I am exhausted.  And over it. 

So this year we resolve to do less.  Stress less.  Not make resolutions I won't keep.  At the same time, I made some positive changes this year that I'd like to continue cultivating.  So to clarify, here is my list (can you tell how much I love lists?!) of non-goals/positive affirmations for my 3rd year of Mommy-hood. Nothing new, just a self reminder to keep on keepin' on...  

We've made some amazing friends this year.  I am going to keep growing those friendships and relationships and enjoying the company of other kindred spirits.

I have raised a happy, confident, independent toddler.  I have taken care of her needs physically, emotionally, intellectually.  This year I am going to ease up on the flash cards and baby yoga.  More time for jumping of beds and building couch cushion forts.

Hannie is well dressed and my credit cards are feeling the effects.  This year, less time on Etsy = less credit card Regret-sy.

With Hannie in tow, I began exploring the creative side of my personality last year. Crafting, baking, photography, gardening, etc.  I am going to keep that up, for both of us.

This year, I managed to carve out some "me" time and resisted the urge to constantly multitask. Carry on. 

I began focusing more on the blessings in my life, on what I have instead of what I don't have.  I am
going to keep that focus because it gives my life purpose and balance.  

At the beginning of last year, I began to feel like maybe I should look into adoption again.  Not because I felt like I was ready for another one, but because I felt like having two was the typical thing to do, and I wanted to give Hannie everything I could, including a sibling relationship.  I have since decided to let go of that guilt complex.  I am not currently planning to adopt again.  It hurts me to even write that, but there is beauty in letting go sometimes.  I still look at photo listings every once in a while. I still follow the progress of Kaz Hague accreditation. It's not a definite NO.  But it's a NOT YET. 

This year I flossed every day, not just the week before  my dentist important.  Who has no cavities and pearly whites to show for it? THIS GIRL. Keepin it up.

This year I learned the difference between religion and relationship.  I prayed, went to church, and learned a little scripture, but more importantly, I think, I worked on the concept of DEEDS OVER CREEDS.  I'm going to continue to deepen my relationship with God by DOING things. Volunteering, Advocating, Donating, etc. In my opinion, that is the real basis of christianity.

As Maya Angelou says. “We do the best we can. When we know better, we do better.”
 More than anything else, I just really want to continue to enjoy my time with Hannie this year.  She turned 2 and a half this week.  It's not all sunshine and rainbows, but it's true what they say.  The time does go by so fast.... 

My mom complains that I didn't do the "baby book" thing for my daughter.  I didn't write it down, so I don't really remember how much she weighed at 18 mos, or when she got her first tooth or whether we tried fruit or veggie baby food first.  But I like these kinds of updates better.  Someday I hope she will too...

Hannie is a happy, healthy, beautiful, joyful two and half year old.  She is full of light and life and love.  She loves pretending and make believe and creating stories. If you give her a scrap of paper, it immediately becomes an airplane, or a caterpillar, or a blanket for a tiny doll.  She loves the rituals of family life -- stories before bedtime, family hugs, even simple things like getting the mail and the paper each morning.  She is constantly giggling.  The world is wickedly funny to her, and I see a class clown in my future.  It's fine.  We encourage silly.  She is doing great at swimming, and can swim from the slide to the ladder without any help.  She can write a lot of letters and draw a really good face. She does not like to sleep. That is probably her one downfall.  She can scream REALLY loud.  I showed a video of her to a Haitian woman I work with.  Her response was "I've never heard a set of lungs like that on a white child before." LOL.  During her second year of life, Hannie has shown very awesome ability to get along with her kids her age. Her social intelligence is very high. I can't take credit for this at all. But I am very proud. Just sayin'.  She talks. A lot.  Even in her sleep.  Sometimes it's embarrassing. Case in point:  At the end of Little Gym, everyone gets a stamp.  Hannie to her instructor:  "Mr. Steve, I want my stamp on my foot.  My feet stink.  Will you smell my feet? I bet you feet stink too. Can I have two stamps?!"

Happy Two Years Together Miss H.  Mommy loves you to the moon and back.

Making doughnuts (see below) with Mom..BRINGIN IT in our matching aprons.

Hannie and her bestie Ava at Ava's Mommy's Bridal Shower

Snow, finally!  But it melted right away.

I love you, Hannie.  

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

Party Rockers In the House Tonight

I remember 2011 like it was yesterday....haha.  I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful holiday season.  We have so much to be thankful for.  I for one am thankful the holidays are over...Just kidding. We had lots of fun. Here is a sneak peek.

 

Hannie's first mani/pedi.  She loved it. I can see the future and it's going to be expensive.

                                                The Neighborhood Christmas Party.

                                            The Polar Express Train Ride in Lebanon

                    Hannie and her godmother Elizabeth (my best friend, visiting from Afghanistan)

                                                            Sleep in Heavenly Peace

God Grant Me The Patience To Endure My Blessings...THAT WAS MY BEST MAKEUP

                                     Hannie and her friend Olivia at the Great Wolf Lodge.

                                            Hannie the Red Nosed Kazakh

Guess who Ate Dinner INSIDE a real gingerbread house?? THIS GIRL.

                                                       My Dad's new license plates

                                                          Santa Came!

                           Her favorite gifts were her tea cart, trampoline, scooter, and doctor's kit.

The remnants of a REALLY good NYE party....

One of my Blog Mama friends posts every January 1st about what she has learned in the past 365 days.  I thought I'd do the same although there has been so much growth, so many experiences and reflections from 2011 that it definitely wouldn't fit into one blog post...So I thought since I turned 30 this year, I would stick with 30 Things I Know Are True....

1. I've learned to keep my heels, head, and standards high :-)

2. I've learned about grace, and second chances

3. I've learned that checking things off your bucket list can be incredibly fun and rewarding

4. I've learned you can't reason with a a two year old who is having a tantrum.  In fact, they usually can't hear you over the sound of their own screaming.

5. I've learned to appreciate sushi and good wine.

6. I've learned that it is super annoying when people don't RSVP and then show up at a party.

7. I've learned how to successfully pack a carry-on suitcase for two people for six days including shoes (stupid baggage fees).

8. I've learned that I need to think about the time zone before I dial (sorry Liz).

9. I've learned that it's important to support local charities.

10. I've learned to never let a trick go by.  In Euchre that is. And if you pass on the bower, you lose for an hour.

11. I've learned to say NO.  And not feel so guilty about it.

12. I've learned that you can't base big decisions in your life on what you think will make other people happy.

13. I've learned sometimes you do actually need to buy the warranty.

14. I've learned that sometimes you need to cry thing out.  It's a girl thing I guess. But you probably shouldn't do it at work.

15. I've learned about gratitude.

16. I've learned that baby fever hits hard when your first baby is about 18 mos.  It goes away around 2 and half, or whenever they learn to spit.

17. I've learned that life is what you make of it.

18. I've learned that there isn't much cooler than seeing Christmas magic through the eyes of a child.

19. I've learned that there is not much laughter and a good night's sleep can't fix.

20. I've learned that when you are in doubt, it's best to wait it out.

21. I've learned that deep fried oreos are the best food ever invented.

22. I am learning to forgive.

23. I've learned you shouldn't blindly trust doctors.  Do your own research.  Question, question, question.

24. I've learned that quality sheets are worth the splurge.

25.  I've learned (the hard way) that champagne is really for sipping.

26. I've learned that kindness is better than being right

27. I've learned that kids grow up way faster than you think they will.  Rock your babies to sleep while they will still let you.

28. I've learned not to self diagnose on Web MD at 11:30 at night. Sore throat? Probably cancer.

29. I've learned to trust my instincts.

30. I've learned, time and time again, that a child is one of the most beautiful gifts this world has to give, and that sometimes the littlest things take up the most room in your heart.

Happy 2012 everyone! 

 

“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” -- Oprah