Toddlerhood. Over it.

In Russian, there is a word, жить можно, pronounced zhit' mOzh-na, which basically means to "just getting by." We are in serious zhit' mOzh-na mode right now.

And to be perfectly honest, this week, the zhit has hit the fan.

The tiny two-year-old tyrant is driving me batty.

She scratched her friend Ava three times last week, and didn't stop even when I threatened to have her declawed.

Some other "teachable moments" we have had recently:

No you may not wiggle out of your high chair and eat all the cottage cheese off of Jonah's plate while he goes to the bathroom.

No you may not wake up at 1:00 am on a Tuesday and demand to go to Uncle Garry's house to see about a bird.

No you may not dump your soup over your high chair and on to the dog simply because "Hannie no like soup today."

No you may not say "Oh crap! all wet!" when we walk outside and it is raining. Okay...that one may be my fault...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...and we all know apples are from Kazakhstan!

Anyway the list goes on.
I think adoptive parents tend to analyze our children a little more than most.  Lately, I've been worried about the two-year-old tantrums.  Is this a typically attached two year old trying to assert her independence, or early signs of an attachment disorder?  Is she really even two years old?  I'm pretty sure her birthday was just a guesstimate, so am I expecting to much out of her? Too little?  My gut instinct has always been that she is younger than the arbitrary date on her adoption paperwork....

My friend and soon-to-be AP has been bugging me for a detailed Hannie update so here is everything I can think of to describe her currently in 5 minutes or less....

Hannah at 25 months ~ lover of all kinds of candy and chips ~ vegetables not so much ~ doesn't like to go to bed or go to the doctor ~ starting to write letters and shapes ~ loves to play dress up and do her hair and ride her pink Jeep ~ never keeps the covers on at night ~  current favorite book is Goodnight Gorilla ~ starts music and gymnastics class next month ~right handed unlike Mommy ~  if you ask her where babies come from she will tell you Kazakhstan ~ swims like a fish ~ gives great hugs ~ more attitude than should be allowed in a small body.  XOXO ~Erin

 Hannah at her readoption.

 With Judge Rogers at Hannah's Readoption hearing.

Kamilla's Little Gym Birthday Party...6 of the ten little faces were from Kazakhstan!

Looks can be deceiving...

With her bestie Ava

 She all the sudden doesn't look like a baby to me anymore....not sure how to feel about that.

Such a shame she is a wallflower

 Stricker's Grove with her cousin Abby.

This is how she rolls.

And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you; because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely of places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it. ~Roald Dahl

IA Reform -- aka, I Throw My Hands Up In the Air Sometimes.

One week from tomorrow, we will stand before family, friends, and a Probate Court Judge and complete the long journey of Hannah's adoption.

"Readoption" is when a U.S. state court reviews the details of the foreign adoption and issues a new adoption decree, independent from the foreign decree, stating that the child has been adopted in conformity with the adoption law of the state. "The re-adoption is not required, but legally recommended. The three outcomes are 1) we will now have an adoption decree issued by a U.S. state court under the U.S. Constitution giving full faith and credit to Hannah's adoption decree and to all of her rights under the decree, 2) her birth certificate will be "stored" here in the Unites States so that if her Kazakhstan birth certificate is ever misplaced it is easy to access a new one, 3) her name on her birth certificate will now be legally Hannah Elizabeth Herman.

We are friends with the judge hearing the case (small town, okay?!) When I went in to file the papers, he joked that this event is kind of like "renewing your wedding vows."  Would I do it again?  In a second!!!  But although the event is significant, it does not hold the same weight for me as Hannie's finalization in Kaz. To me, Hannah  was my daughter from the minute I saw the email labeled "Girl for Herman" and fell in love with the chubby baby in the fuzzy snowsuit. And I do not have to have this event to legally affirm that.

And speaking of  laws...do you know about the the Empty Stroller March on the US Capital on August 26th?

]The march is being organized by the Both Ends Burning Campaign, a global movement to transform the broken system of international adoption.

During the march protestors will be pushing empty strollers wrapped in red tape to represent the bureaucracy that prevents children from being with families.

WHO: Both Ends Burning Campaign
WHAT: “Empty Stroller” March on the U.S. Capitol.
WHEN: 2:00 pm; Aug. 26, 2011
WHERE: START: Children’s Carousel on National Mall
END: Upper Senate Park, Washington, D.C. 20001

"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act." Prov. 24:12

Here is a link to a great article about how the U.S. Department of State and UNICEF are working to restrict inter-country adoption.  Although it is becoming increasingly difficult to adopt, it is not impossible, and we need to remember that every child has the right to a family; and we are lucky to be living in a time where minds are being opened to the reality that children can be rescued - lives can being restored.

I can also tell you that when you choose to adopt, God will teach you things that he cannot teach you any other way than through the adoption process.

Does corruption exist in adoption? Absolutely?  Do parents need to be diligent in determining the legitimacy of their agency and program prior to adoption? Absolutely.  Is it fair for parentless children to be held hostage in orphanages, condemned to life without a family, as the world slowly works towards peace and justice? Absolutely not. There are 147 million chances waiting to show you the love that God has for you. 147 million Hannah's.

Adoption is worth doing, and it's worth doing RIGHT.

A Fair-y good time eating a corn dog!

The Carousel

Riding the ponies with Papa

The Statue of Kazakhstan

Riding a horse with Tanner at a VBS kickoff party

 Riding her birthday present, a toddler 4 wheeler

 Tetherball at New London, our swim club.

 So this is Ava.  Her grandma and my mom are great friends, her mom and I are great friends.  They are the 3rd generation of Spivey/Herman friends.

 Getting her hair painted pink.  Next week she is getting feathers.

 Hugging each other or trying to drown each other? A little of both

 An inground pool and swing set, roller coaster and million toys and what do they play with?  The dog's bowl.

And this one belongs to the Reds!

My Little Cowpoke is TWO!!!

Getting a beer for Uncle Garry -- it's important for children to have chores, it gives them a sense of responsibility.

Hugging her sweet friend Ella.

Bumper cars!

Taking a break from the heat in the water park

The girly girls waiting for a ride.

Hannah is a sterotypical horrible Asian driver

My pretty princess riding her horse

Playing in the fountains uptown Oxford

Hugging her sweet Kaz friend Milla

The Freedom Riders.

 She is such a good swimmer ~ she goes all by herself!

For our family, July has been a month of extreme highs and lows.  It started with a very busy July 4th weekend. Friday on a whim we decided to head to Kings Island with my friend Staci and her daughters Ella and baby Ainsley.  Hannah and Ella get along really great and had a wonderful time despite the stifling crowds and repressive heat.  Saturday we had an impromtu pool party, and in the middle of it, with 20 some people at the house waiting to eat, Hannah fell off the counter and hit her head on the hardwood floor. So we packed up and headed to Cincinnati Children's for a head x-ray.  She was fine, just black and blue.  Sunday we were supposed to go the Reds game, but decided at the last minute to head to our small town penny carnival and parade with another Kaz family. The girls had a blast playing in the fountains and chowing down on junk food.  Living in a small town can be as maddening as it is quaint and wonderful. 4th of July is always one of the wonderful days.

Then, three days later, the bottom fell out.  Many of you know that my grandmother and cousin both passed away very suddenly, very unexpectedly, and very tragically on July 7th.  It was a sad, confusing, and devastating time, but we are a strong family; we are hanging in there and moving forward.  I will say this -- the experience did awaken me to the understanding that no day is promised.  I gave the eulogy at my grandmother's funeral.  I thought I would post it here, because I make my blogs into books for Hannah, and I would like to remember one day what I said.

Most of you know me, but for those who do not, I am Erin, Marilyn's grandaughter. As I look around this room today, I am overwhelmed by outpouring of love I have seen from her family and friends. It is a testament not only to how she lived, but to how special she was, and to how many people she touched in her earthly life.

My grandmother lived with Gusto. She loved many things, including a good book, a good movie, and yes, occasionally even a good cocktail. And she was nothing, if not a card shark. She loved going to Vegas and to the gambling boats, and she even loved staying home playing video poker on the computer. I have to wonder, if subconsciously, she knew that the game of Poker was somewhat of a metaphor for her life. She wasn't always dealt the easiest of hands. She faced health issues, the loss of her parents, and a beloved sibling. But through it all, she handled each challenge with grace and dignity. She and my grandfather Jack were truly TWO OF A KIND. Although they bickered, their love was deep, and strong, and true. They recently celebrated their 57th wedding anniversary. I remember once, about 10 years ago, I caught them holding hands in a store, and I commented on how amazing it was, that after decades together, they were still in love. I remember my grandfather saying  "I have to hold her hand, Erin, because, if I let go, even for a minute, she goes shopping."  And finally, both literally and figuratively, she loved nothing more than A FULL HOUSE. I never saw her happier than on birthdays, holidays, and other occassions upon which her home was overflowing with children, grandchildren, siblings, nieces, nephews, and friends. 

As a family, one of the hard lessons we have learned this week, is that it matters not how a person dies, but how they lived.

One thing my grandmother didn't like, was funerals.  in fact, she probably wouldn't be here today if she didn't absolutely have to be.  It has been a difficult week for our family. We have truly been shown both the fragility of life but also, we have seen the strength of the human spirit.  The wonderful memories we have will console us now and in the future.

 Many of you know that my Grandmother suffered from chronic pain.  In a small way, it is fitting that her earthy body left us so close to Independence day.  As she rests in the arms of G-d, she is now celebrating her independence from her pain and suffering. 

Many of you also know that I myself, have a beautiful daughter Hannah Elizabeth, who turns two years old today.  I never expected, as we celebrated my daughter's birth, we would also be mourning my grandmother's death. But as we are told in Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3, Verse 1, To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

Today we have lost a very special person.  A wife, a mother, grandmother, aunt, and friend, but each of us has gained a guardian angel.  As we say our final goodbyes and hug each other let the tears and love flow, let us find strength and comfort in the knowledge that her soul rests in the kingdom of heaven, and we will one day all be reunited, and what a wonderful, special Hava Nagila Party in the Sky it will be.

Here's the thing about life -- it goes on.  And in spite of our grief, I had a two year old who needed to feel loved and celebrated on her birthday. So a week after we said goodbye to two beloved family members, we reconvened for a Cowgirl Rodeo Party.  Although we toned down the celebration this year in lieu of the recent events (petting zoo and hay rides cancelled),  it was still a rootin-tootin, hog killin' good time!   We had around 40 people over to the "Herman Ranch", including some of Hannah's Kaz and Korea friends, family, and of course neighbors.  The kids donned hats and boots and panned for gold, played in the bounce house, ate fried chicken, Texas Tater Salad,  and Buffalo Bill's Baked Beans, and we older folks kicked up our boots and relaxed at the Waterin' Hole.  In the shadow of death, we took a moment to celebrate life. I know my grandmother would have loved the party and I know that although she was not able to be there in person, she was there in spirit.  


Goodbye Grandma. Happy Trails To You.  Until We Meet Again.....