On We Grow!

With Isabella and Emily

Just hangin with Mommy

Painting with Popsicle Sticks

Art Class ~ Making her own Kandinsky

Riding the dog

Baking Cookies on the boys' snow day

It's hard to believe Hannie and I are starting to celebrate our "2nd" year of milestones together, but it's true.  February 9th was officially our Meetcha Day!    It's been over a year since Elizabeth and I arrived in Kazakhstan and took that snowy overnight train ride through the countryside from Almaty to Shymkent.  Over a year since I wrote on Facebook "The Daughter Who Was Born In My Heart Is Now  In My Arms."  Now, one year later as I write this post, I still feel so humbled and blessed every day to have her in my life.  The tiny, quiet six month old with an engaging spirit who could barely sit up, is now a bona fide daredevil, running around the house, jumping on the bed, getting into anything and everything she can!  Hannah, is, without a doubt, right where she belongs.  If it is not a testament to God's grace, I don't know what is!   Thank you all of those who supported us on our way to our "happily ever after" and thank you most to Hannah's birthmom, the brave, selfless woman who chose LIFE and in doing so gave me my most precious gift.

On We Grow....

  We had our second Valentine's Day together and spent it with friends at a Valentine Tea benefit fundraiser for Children's Hospital.  It was a wonderful event!  The kid-friendly lunch buffet was delicious (my child LOST HER MIND at the Hot Chocolate Depot and Sundae Station), and Hannie enjoyed being in her first Fashion Show!  She was a little too young for the Glam Station (where you could get your hair and nails done), but she LOVED the Sweet Shoppe, where you could fill a Valentine box with literally every kind of candy and sweet imaginable.  I even won a Gucci watch in the raffle!  So yes, a fabulous time was had by all.  In other news, she is no longer receiving any services from Early Intervention, as she is all caught up with her gross motor skills.  With that out of the way, we have plenty of time for new activities, and this week Hannie attended her first toddler art class (Young At Art) at the Museum Center and really got into it.  She loves crafts! 

Because I don't have enough on my plate, I volunteered to chair a committee for the Passport To Forever event, an annual dinner, auction and children’s fashion show benefiting The International Adoption Center at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center.  It will be a lot of work, but it's all good.  Sleep is over rated.

A year has come and gone!  It's funny to think Hannah has now lived HERE longer than she lived THERE.  All the paper chases, the teleconferences, the waiting, the travel and baby preparation is behind us.  It's been quite a year, and experience I never want to forget...well...maybe I could forget the paperwork!

Off to bigger and better adventures! XOXO Erin and Hannie

Battle Hymn of the Kaz Mom

First of all, thank you all for all the nice comments and emails on my last blog entry. Blogging is a great creative outlet for me.  It fuses three of the things I like best -- writing, photography, and bragging about my daughter!  I am however, for various reasons, planning to take my blog private again, so if you want an invite, let me know.  Also, if anyone knows how to get blogger to allow more than 100 readers, please shoot me a message. Now, on to the regularly scheduled programming...  

Today is one year to the day that I boarded the plane to Kazakhstan, and Wednesday is officially our "Meetcha Day"  One year ago, my name changed from Erin to "Mommy" and when people found out I was adopting a baby, one of the most popular questions was:

Do you want a boy or a little girl???

When I told people it did not matter to me, mostly they nodded knowingly.

"As long as it's healthy, right?"  Was the most common response.  The shock came when I said that didn't matter either.

No,I "responded. "I just want my baby.  If he or she is healthy, that will be great.  If not, that will be okay with me too. "  
  

 On my home study, I didn't request a gender, and I kept my age range broad.  For various reasons, most people who adopt internationally request girls, so, knowing that I did not request a gender (and this was back when you could request a gender), I prepared for a toddler boy.  I bought boy clothes.  I painted a room in boy colors.  I learned the names of Thomas and all his Train Friends.  I mentally prepared for a lifetime of monster truck rallies and wrestling camps.  And then, on a cold day in January, I heard those magical, life-changing words.  Girl.  Baby Girl.  To say I was shocked was an understatement.  A girl seemed like such an impossibility.  Even after I saw her picture, it didn't quite seem real. Even as we boarded the plane, bags packed with pink blankets and hair bows, I didn't quite believe it.  And then they placed her in my arms.  And everything changed in an instant.  I remember thinking, this is all a dream, because this much happiness isn't humanely possible.  I remember the euphoric, all-encompassing, deep to the bottom of the soul feeling of rightness.

"This is MY daughter. SHE's the one."

And the rest, as they say, is history.  But actually getting her was the easy part. Raising her, it seems, will be infinitely more tricky.  Lately, I have been reading a slew of parenting books, all preaching different messages, about the best way to raise our children.  Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom promotes strict, uncompromising values and discipline in order to raise "sucessful" children.  Cinderella Ate My Daughter tells us to fear Disney Princesses and speaks of the insidiousness of the girlie girl culture.   They both make valid points.  After reading them, I was inspired to make a list for my own daughter, of things I have learned, and advice I can give.    

Here is what I have to offer:

1.  Travel the world. Don't be afraid to get lost, and keep a journal when you do so.  Live wherever your heart leads you to.  Your environment is vital to your well being.  Don't overpack. If you can't carry it, you probably don't need it.  Learn to appreciate the differences between cultures, and see how, in the end, we are all the same.

2.  Practice the art of altruism.  Give charitably, generously, and anonymously. Volunteer on behalf of others, and don't just give money.  Give your time, your attention, and your heart too. To those whom much is given, much is expected.

3.  Keep in touch with your family and old friends.  Visit, write, and call, even when it's expensive and inconvenient.   Remember, the roots are the strongest part of a tree.
  
4.  Know that children are a blessing, but remember that having children is like getting a tattoo on your face. You need to be really certain it is what you want to do before you commit.

5.  Right now you are very curious, inventive toddler. Don't ever lose that.  It's okay to color outside the lines.  Poetry doesn't have to rhyme.  Rules are meant to be broken.

6.  Don't marry someone you can live with, marry the person you cannot live without.  Remember that love is the closest thing we have to magic.  When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do. Never let someone break your heart twice.
 

7. Be polite and grateful.  Handwrite thank you notes. Show gratitude when someone takes the time to do something nice for you, and treat others the way you would like to be treated.   When you eat the fruit, remember the person who planted the tree.

8. Don't be afraid to be smart.  Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.  Read anything and everything you can.  Never stop learning and help others do the same.  Remember that a quality education has the power to transform societies in a single generation.

9.  Find your passion and make it your career.  Don't worry about salary.  Do what you love, and the money will come. No one's headstone ever read: Had lots of money in the bank.

10.  Laugh often and much.  Enjoy your life without comparing it to that of others. It is enough for you to know that you are good, without examining whether others are as good as you.

11.  Respect  yourself and your body.  Get in the habit early of exercising and eat right.  Find something that relaxes you.  It is not a waste of time to take a bubble bath, go for a walk, or reread your favorite book.

12. Believe.  In yourself, in God, in the goodness of people. Believe that all things are possible and you can do or be anything you want. 

And most importantly,  remember I love you, unconditionally, no matter what.   

Hannah Update:  One year to the day that I left for Kazakhstan, we had her baptized in the Catholic church.  It was a special, memorable day, filled with family and friends.  Here are some pictures from Hannie's dedication and the party that followed. 

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

It Takes A Village

I wrote this blog for my adoption agency's site, but I thought it was a good message, so I decided to re post. Pictures and Hannie updates are at the bottom!  

John Lennon once famously wrote,

There's Nothing You Can Do That Can't Be Done, All You Need Is Love.

Well, that may have been true for old Lenny, but I am willing to bet he never adopted a baby as a single parent.  Those of us that have been down that road know that, while love is crucial, it isn't all you need.  You have to have energy, education, patience, financial stability, health, and, maybe most importantly of all, a strong support system.

The old African proverb says It Takes A Village To Raise A Child.  Support systems, like villages, come in many shapes and forms.  Some of us depend on sisters, brothers, neighbors and coworkers.  Others rely on our church family and friends.  Still others join cyber-support groups.   When I began my adoption process, I knew I would need to rely on my friends and family to help ease the transition into Single Mamahood, but I had no idea how much I would come to count on my other village, my tight-knit group of Single Adoptive Moms, for support and guidance through the roller coaster of adopting and parenting as a single Mama.

There are 16 (or maybe more) Kaz families in Cincinnati, and many of them have become my close friends.  A group of us originally met three years ago through (where else?) Facebook, finding each other on our agency's fan page.  When we realized we were all in the Cincinnati area, and all adopting babies from the same Central Asian country, we immediately started getting together for weekly lunches.  In those early days, we would sit around nice restaurants, leisurely dawdling over coffee and salads, discussing dossiers and social workers.  Flash forward to present day, where we meet every Sunday at a different kind of restaurant.  It's loud, chaotic, and and not a white table cloth in sight.  Yes, we now meet at a McDonald's Playland, swapping parenting tips and hand me down clothes as we simultaneously kiss boo boos and refill the juice cups of our three beautiful children.        

 My single adoptive mom friends understand me in a way that others do not.  They understand how physically, emotionally, and financially draining this alternative path to parenting can be. They understand my commitment to my child's cultural education, and my need for her to know and love her birth country.  They have been there for me through the challenging times and through the rewarding ones, too. When I traveled overseas to adopt my daughter, I talked to them almost every day.  From 7500 miles away, they shared my joy, and allayed my fears.

"  What if she doesn't ever feel like my daughter?"    I worried. "

 " She will."  they insisted.

  

And of course, we all laughed knowingly over Skype, when, just hours later, I danced joyfully around my apartment with my daughter in my arms, whistling "Yes Sir, That's My Baby."   Because of course, she was.

  Being a single mom is hard.  We are given TWO biological parents for a reason.  Someone to drive, someone to navigate.  Someone to cook, and someone to do the dishes.  Still, most of the time, everything goes according to plan.  It is possible to independently juggle a job, a child, a house, etc. and not feel overwhelmed and exhausted.  I even make it to the gym every once and a while. But then there are those days when I oversleep and the car doors are frozen shut and the dog is sick and the baby is teething.  It is on those days that I reach for the phone and call my village.  And they are there, without judgment or hesitation, validating me and supporting me as I navigate the I'm Not Super Mom Guilt Complex that inevitably comes with single parenting.  My support system of friends has also helped me see the advantages of single parenting.  As my single-adoptive-mom friend E famously says,

"Yes, single parenting is hard, but I like that I don't have to constantly compromise with someone else on all the parenting decisions.  If I decide its stay-in-our-pajamas-eat-cupcakes-and-watch-cartoons Day, who is gonna stop me?!"

  A valid point, but also it is important to remember that it is not a sign of her weakness or an indication of failure to reach out for assistance and support.  After all, it was John Lennon who also famously wrote, I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends.  While I love my Single Adoptive Mom friends, we don't agree on everything.  One of us is religious, the others are not.  One of us doesn't let her child watch any TV, I've been known to let my 18 month old watch a minute or two of The Bachelor (please don't tell my social worker).  But we do agree on one thing.  Being a single parent is the toughest job we have ever loved, we wouldn't have it any other way.

Hannah Update

 She had her 18mos well child visit with her pediatrician, and she grew another inch and a half and gained a pound in a month.  My dad is so excited that she is so tall, he is already planning basketball drills and dreaming of her in Xavier blue.  This month she also started identifying letters and letter sounds.  She can do about 6 of them (I took video, will post soon), I am continually amazed by how easily she soaks up information.  We are also going to work on counting, since she has a number book she is showing some interest in.  We had a great time on a recent trip to the Great Wolf Lodge indoor water park hotel. She loves being in the water, which is very good because we have a pool.  We had a lot of fun, Hannie loved the pools, the merry go round, the Cub Club (a giant kids play area), the giant Animatronic Tree (they put on a show each night, where snow and bubbles falls from the ceiling), but quite honestly her favorite thing was the luggage cart!  We saw a famous person there with her kids as well!!  Here are the pics above.            

The One Who Waited

Someone asked me the other day how Hannah got her name. When I looked at the calendar , I realized it was exactly one year ago today that I chose the name.  It was actually suggested to me by my then 7 year old cousin Jacob, who was a big Hannah Montana fan at the time.  I looked it up, and it means "Gift of God's Grace."  It is derived from the Hebrew word Hannah which means "beautiful and passionate."  Which in fact, describes my daughter perfectly.  The biblical Hannah was childless until late in life, and she was actually known as "the one who waited."  Just as my daughter did.  Hannah prayed to God and was rewarded with a son, Samuel.  Hannah’s story is a picture of how God’s grace is given to those who trust in him.  I think it is a beautiful story of patience and faith, and that is how my daughter got her name.

We have had a busy few weeks as has become the norm.  I hosted a NYE party at my house for a few neighbors and friends.  We had a blast eating appetizers, drinking copious amounts of champagne, and playing games.  Hannie of course didn't make it till midnight (or anywhere close) but she DID get to have her first sleepover.  Her BFF Isabella spent the night because Isabella and Hannie's mommies were both too...let's just say tired (wink wink) to drive anywhere.  The only resolution I made this year is to Laugh More and Stress Less.

We had the unique opportunity this month (thanks to my wonderful friend Jennie, and her fiance Noah), to visit The Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky.  I wasn't sure what to expect, but it was truly amazing.  70,000 square feet of the bible brought to life, including a Garden of Eden, the Ark, a Planetarium, Special Effects Theater, and unbelievable dinosaur animatronics.  It was very EPCOT-ish and even after all those years of Catholic School religious education, I still learned a lot.  I spent a lot of time in the Natural Selection is NOT Evolution section reading about antibiotic resistant bacteria.  Hannie's favorite part was the exotic animal petting zoo. We got to see a Zonkey and a Zorse and they even have camel rides!  All in all, a very enlightening and enjoyable day trip. Here are some highlights:

 Hannie continues to grow up way too fast.  Her new obsession is dressing and undressing herself.  She can take off all her clothes and she can put on her pants and sometimes her shirt by herself, and she ONLY wants to do it herself.  This takes a tremendous amount of time and patience, and typically results in inside out and backwards clothing and two legs in one hole, but I am happy for her that she has the motor skills to do this.  It drives me up the wall though, the minute we get in the car, she takes her shoes and socks off! Her other new thing is refusing to eat something by telling me "No. HOT." And it doesn't matter what it is. It could be a popsicle. You're killin me, smalls.

We are excited to attend our 2nd annual Kazapalooza this year, in St. Petersburg Florida.  Hannie and I went last year, we had only been home six weeks but we really enjoyed getting to see all the Kaz Kuties and their parents. It will be nice not to have to bring bottles and formula and baby food this year!!  She won't be 2 yet, but my mom says she can even potty train her before then.  I have my doubts, but time will tell :-)  We are also looking forward to extending the trip by a few days and enjoying Orlando with my Kaz friend Laurie and her son.  Can I say for the millionth time how much I love the Kaz family?! And speaking of which...

A few months ago, I wrote an article for my adoption agency's blog.  It was called Zen and The Art of Single Parenting  and a woman  named Helen, who is a PAP and has a WAY cooler blog and writing style than mine, liked my article so much that she wrote a super cool response to it on her website. Here is the link. She got a few things wrong. I DEFINITELY only have one kid. Although sometimes it feels like more. Much, much more.  But I digress.  Here is her blog link and response:   http://momslifeupsidedown.blogspot.com/2010/11/reply-to-zen-and-art-of-single.html

A friend of mine posted on facebook recently that she was missing Kazakhstan.  I have that feeling a lot, and most people can't understand that.  It's surreal.  How can you miss the land of smog, open sewers and squatter toilets?!  I mean, Disney World, it was not.  Jodi said it best.  It was really cold, there was literally nothing to watch on TV, you can't drink the water, internet is spotty at best, my clothes never really got clean, it was hard to communicate with everyone.

BUT.
It's where I became a Mama.  It's where I met my very best girl, and where I hope to someday return for my joy boy.  It's where I learned how strong I was, because I really had to be.  It's where a judge said "DA" and changed my life forever. It's where my best friend and I grew even closer than we ever thought possible.  It was the hardest trip of my life.  Hardest and most beautiful. It's where I finally figured out what unconditional love was.  It's where I met forever friends and made a million memories.  It was the experience of a lifetime, and my heart twists in all sorts of amazing ways just thinking about it. No, Kazakhstan is not Disney World, but for me, it's the most magical place on earth. 

If what I say resonates with you, it is merely because we are both branches of the same tree.
W.B. Yeats